Character Crush: Ms. Robin Glenn, “The Surfing Bride”

In the final book of his grand trilogy, Last Notes From Home, Frederick Exley is on a journey to Hawaii to visit his dying brother. It is while he is making the journey from upstate New York to this warm paradise that he encounters Ms. Robin Glenn, a stewardess.

frederick-exleyShe comes off as quite innocent and kind during the trip to Hawaii. She is described as a somewhat wholesome girl that must deal with jet-setting drunks on a constant basis. I genuinely felt bad for her. At one point Exley even manages to make her cry due to his crass and suggestive language. However, all of this is only an act for Robin. In reality she is a sexually obsessed, violent, foul mouthed, compulsive liar. She is the archetypical lady in the streets and freak in the sheets.

This is why I crush on her so hard. Like the volcanoes of her home, Hawaii, there is a violence and passion behind her grey eyes that is just waiting for a moment to burst to the surface.

By far the best part of Robin’s character is that she tells the most absurd and unbelievable lies that she ends up back tracking on. They make me laugh to read, and any girl that can make me laugh gets my immediate attention. This is especially true for a flight stewardess with intoxicating cleavage. In one of her first lies to Exley, she claims to have been raped nightly by an elderly janitor at her prep school. This elderly janitor then turns into the star quarterback who both she and her roommate willingly fuck on a nightly basis. Furthermore she explains that she only began this at the age of 14 due to her and her roommate being raped by their own fathers at the age of 13 and stating, “I mean, honest, Frederick, once you get started on balling, it’s worse than all the drugs combined, you know that.”

Exley responds:

Jesus Christ, Robin! Are you telling me that Mr. Anthony Glenn, the Exxon vicepresident headquartered in Paris, started having sex with his daughter when she was thirteen and that at approximately the same time, someplace else in America, perhaps Dearborn, Michigan, let’s say, a Mr. Anthony Saunders, no doubt a General Motors vice-president, introduced his virginal daughter to lust and that’s why you girls had to have your nocturnal fucks from janitor-quarterback Dick Brophy? Is that what you’re telling me, for Jesus H. Kheeeriiist’s sake?

A girl, like Robin, looking for pity and companionship by telling egregious and wholly unbelievable lies is too interesting a person to not have a crush on. Furthermore, the fact that she doesn’t instantly lash out when she is caught in her lies shows her to be somewhat self-conscience of her own ridiculousness. Also, her lying and sexuality seem to be connected. Every time she tells a lie she ends up having sex with Exley, and to his astonishment finds her to be hornier only when she lies.

Eventually, the two deviants decide that they belong together. They get married on the beaches of Hawaii. It is here, in her wedding gown, that Robin tries to pass one last lie. She tells Exley that she is a better surfer than all of the boys they are currently watching on the beach. Unbelieving, Exley gives her a look. It is at this moment that Robin grabs a board, rushes into the surf, and rides a wave while yelling to Exley, “Don’t you patronize me and question everything I say, you toady tubby – yes, tubby! – mealy-mouthed little whimp!”

Robin isn’t just a character in the novel. She is a person that contains immense character. Most of her personality is not made up of what most would find to be admirable traits. She is a sweetheart, a liar, a sexual deviant, and a strong young woman. She is rude, beautiful, pitiful, and bright. More than that, she is engaging and surprising. It helps that she is a sexy young woman, but it helps even more that it is impossible to know what she will do next. It is just as possible for her to kiss you as it is for her to spear you in the chest with a barbeque fork. This is why I crush on Ms. Robin Glenn.

IMG_0143Mark Pfannenstiel is a sometime writer. He is an avid sports fan that enjoys reading, smoking, and living south. He currently lives in Austin, TX where he enjoys riding his bike most weekends. His favorite quote is: “I think all of us are looking for that which does not admit of bullshit… If you tell me you can bench press 450, hell, we’ll load up the bar and put you under it. Either you can do it or you can’t do it—you can’t bullshit. Ultimately, sports are just about as close to what one would call the truth as it is possible to get in this world.” —Harry Crews