Alright ya’ll, riddle me this: What’s hotter than admiring from a safe distance a beautiful lady with an hourglass figure, a short little skirt, big blue eyes, and a rockin’ pair of designer-style flats? Anyone? I’ll tell you what’s hotter: admiring that same beautiful lady as she opens your bedroom window at night and flies right in next to you. That’s what.
But wait; but wait. You know what’s even hotter than that? Her whispering into your ear in her bell-like voice that she has a sack full of magic powder that can make you fly all night with her… past the second star on the right and straight on into morning. And all you have to do is think happy thoughts. What? Really? A beautiful flying lady coming to your bed to take you away with her, flying? Who couldn’t think happy thoughts? You know what I mean?
Yeah she’s tiny; a down comforter may very well crush her beautiful little body.
Yeah she probably can’t do all your favorite things in bed. But I don’t care who you are, Tinker Bell is smoking hot! And I don’t mind admitting that she was without a doubt my first literary crush.
But let me explain further. Of course it wasn’t always this way. J.M. Barrie couldn’t have known while he was creating one of the most recognized characters in children’s literature as he wrote Peter Pan, or that several decades later an entertainment mogul named Walter Disney would come along and turn what was originally an innocent (well, almost innocent) fairy into a jealous, hot-tempered, feisty cartoon sex-pot, a character so enticing and easy on the eyes that she became the “official” mascot/spokes-fairy for the largest cartoon entertainment studio in the world. Barrie couldn’t have known that the whole dynamic of the relationship he created between Peter and Tink would change completely when Tink was given a visual characterization by the animators at Disney Studios. When those animators created the cartoon Tinker Bell we all know, that relationship between Tink and Peter quickly morphed from the platonic friendship bond depicted in the book to the one wrought with sexual tension played out in Technicolor on the silver screen.
Walt Disney, perhaps unknowingly, created (or at least planted the seed, as we soon will see) many a young boy’s first literary crush, whether those boys knew it at the time or not. Granted, it was a half-innocent type of young crush, because like Barrie before him, Disney couldn’t have seen what would become of the little cartoon fairy from Neverland. He couldn’t have known that, several decades after he re-envisioned Tink as a sultry “Jessica Rabbit-type” cartoon siren, that Hollywood would bring Tinker Bell to life via the always gorgeous Julia Roberts. Barrie never saw Tink as a cartoon; Disney never saw her as a real-life actor. And neither could have envisioned her as a life-size human being like she is in a brief scene with Robin Williams in the film Hook.
Oh but I can. And I do.
So my kinky literary crush works its way backwards. In my world Tinker Bell is Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts is life-size. Therefore Tink is life-size, which totally eliminates all the hang-ups and the stigma of crushing on a pint-size fairy with a bell voice that fits easily into most shirt pockets.
Thanks to the evolution of the Tinker Bell character, I can now read Peter Pan with a whole new agenda. I still want to be Peter, but now I want to sleep with Tinker Bell instead of playing house with Wendy or hide-n-seek with Tiger Lily. This crush started off innocent, but it sure didn’t stay that way.
Dave Wright was born in that wonderful and decadent decade of the 1980’s in Nashville, TN. He studied advertising (and barroom interiors) at Tennessee Technological University. He graduated with a B.S. in 2007. “I followed Mr. Mark Twain’s advice, mostly; I never let school get in the way of my education.” Dave now lives on the farm he grew up on, where he writes and reads and farms full-time. “When I ain’t at home working, I’m usually in Nashville haunting the honky-tonks and listening to music with friends.” His work has appeared in The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, Homestead Journal, and The Caper Literary Journal’s anthology Vwa: Poems for Haiti. He recently finished his first novel Parade: The Book.