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A Night of Fine Art and Danson by Greg Linfield

I sit in an empty subway car on a Tuesday night. At the next stop a man gets on. He looks left. He looks right. He takes the seat beside me. It is impossible not to stare.

He has another face tattooed over his own.

“Like the art?” he asks. “It’s Ted Danson from Cheers. Actual size. Got it done at Lou’s Tats.” He hands me a card for it. “Should you ever want a little colour in your life.”

“Thanks.” I put the card into my pocket without so much as a glance.

“You don’t look convinced. Here check this out.” He starts unbuttoning his shirt.

“Not necessary.”

“Not a problem. See? It’s full body. Had to shave a couple inches off the legs though; Ted’s a tall man. Here feel this.” He takes my hand and before I can pull away, rubs it over a wart on his chest. “Smooth right? I’ve got every blemish he’s got.”

“Very thorough,” I tell him, wiping my hand on my pant leg.

“Thanks. Had a P.I. friend of mine get the photos and measurements for it. Man’s a miracle worker.”

Grabbing a nearby magazine, I start flipping through the pages hoping he’ll lose interest.

“Don’t tune out on me yet, there’s lots more to see.” He pops another button. “I wasn’t lying about the level of detail. My Ted tat’s anatomically correct.”

“Then you’ve got…”

“Yep. Ted’s pecker on my pecker. Didn’t have to shave any inches off there.”

I tense, ready to bolt. In my head, I silently beg for the next station to arrive.

He fiddles with his belt buckle. “So should I keep going?”

“No thanks. I was always more of a ‘Who’s The Boss’ fan.”

His hands drop away from his belt. He gets up abruptly and crosses the train, taking the farthest seat from me.

I hear him mutter, “Weirdo.”

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Greg Linfield was born, raised and currently resides in Toronto, Canada. He is an avid reader and writer of good fiction. Though “A Night of Fine Art and Danson” is his first published work, it will not be his last (fingers crossed). Greg can be contacted via email at gregrlinfield@yahoo.com.

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