The Life Eternal Version 2.2 by Mark Vanner
Has death got you down? Afraid of leaving loved ones behind? Wondering what the point of it all is? Fear no more; with the new “Life Eternal Version 2.2″ from EBBBCO Ltd you’ll be able to send and receive messages instantly from beyond the grave, view other members’ profiles, let loved ones know how your day’s been, get the latest football results, bitch about friends and ex-lovers.
That’s right, folks! Now The End doesn’t have to mean the end. With this powerful new social networking tool you’ll never lose contact with friends, colleagues or loved ones again—not even in death!
World Map of Social Networks by Vincenzo Cosenza (via @briansolis)
It couldn’t be simpler! Sign up today, and when the time comes for you to shuffle off from this mortal coil, our team of specialist Life Eternal executives will work fast to capture and download your consciousness onto one of our advanced spirit sticks.
Within moments we’ll have you reactivated and uploaded to EBBBCO’s award winning Life Eternal server where you’ll begin your new life as your very own personal profile page. From here you’ll enjoy all of the benefits that our full members have come to expect, including:
- Free Email Access,
- Virtual Memorial Home Page,
- Photo Albums,
- Games,
- Chat Rooms,
- Music Videos,
- Dating,
- And much much more!
Who needs an afterlife when you can come to the best social networking party in town—The “Life Eternal Version 2.2″—Where being dead has never been so much fun!
Plus, for a limited period only:
Done something terrible with your life? Murdered? Raped? Committed mass genocide? Or just been a real cunt? Don’t get bummed out by thoughts of damnation. Come to the “Life Eternal Version 2.2″ where you’ll be treated just like anybody else. That’s right, at EBBBCO Ltd we don’t judge whether you’ve been a politician or a pedophilic priest; for just $20,000 a month we’ll guarantee you a place in social networking heaven or your full money back. So what are you waiting for? Call 0845 377843 and speak to one of our friendly consultants TODAY.
*Full terms and conditions apply*
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Mark Vanner lives in Oxfordshire UK. His poems and short stories have appeared in books, magazines and anthologies worldwide, including Poetry Monthly, Swill Magazine, Anchor Books, Pearl Magazine, Thieves Jargon, Skive, Dogmatika, The Paris Bitter Hearts Pit and many more. For further information please visit markvanner.com.
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