I think They Shoot Porn Stars, Don’t They? is a well written piece, but it says more about Susannah Breslin’s attitude about porn than it does about the industry, to me. The only lady she bothers quoting is one who feels degraded and does it for money. The spin factor here is high, and her disgust is pretty clear in her tone.

I think that “consent” is key to the “consenting adults” adage — it’s unfortunate that not everybody who consents to things does so with the emotional maturity to know, or handle what they’re getting into, or do so out of economic desperation rather than genuine interest. It gives those of us who find humiliation, fucking machines, anal and beatings arousing and sexy a bad rap. It makes it seem as though nobody would ever do these things except for money. Which is too bad, because, well. Between enthusiastically consenting adults, there’s a really good time to be had there.

I think that people have hang-ups for a reason, and not necessarily because they’re “just prudes” or “just whores” or whatever box you want to put them into. People are complex. I’ve explored my own feelings on these subjects; I’ve been doing this for a long time, and these comments are just a brief snapshot. My feelings change over time, too. In my opinion, sex positivity is not about the simple belief that anything between consenting adults is okay, but it’s about knowing your personal boundaries and the boundaries of those you’re intimate with, and refusing to overstep them. Human sexuality is very diverse, but not all aspects of it are positive, and not all desires should be embraced. Check out Susannah Breslin’s excellent “They Shoot Porn Stars, Don’t They?” for some examples: http://theyshootstars.com

To me, it’s not unlike the telling of a misogynistic, or racist joke. When a person says “I think sex work is seedy” — like when someone says “All women are bitches” and “Black people are lazy” (even as a punch-line in a joke) — one runs the risk of having the one misogynistic, hooker-raping, racist asshole in the room walk away feeling that their thoughts and actions are validated and reinforced. I think that’s dangerous, and to be avoided.

But most importantly, I think it’s important to explore and confront the things that make us feel icky and dirty, and hopefully rise above our hang-ups to make for a more open, understanding, and respectful world. My ideas of what it is to be sex-positive have a lot to do with respecting that whatever happens between consenting adults is a wonderful part of the amazing diversity and beauty that makes up human sexuality.

Working on a Ph.D. is a full-to-overtime job. I totally understand the preference to want to make as much money by being charming, intelligent and having some sexy fun, and connecting with people in a tenth of the time it takes to make the same amount plugging code into a cold machine for endless hours on end. Writing copy, even scientific, often pays very little as I’ve heard you complain about lots before. The economics of pricing for escorting isn’t as much about “how much one is worth in bed” as it is about selecting your target demographic, and establishing a sense of safety. You get very different clients who’re working at 60$/hr than you would at 500$ and very generally, those able and willing to pay more, have more at stake, what they’re paying for is your discretion, and what you’re charging for is the security of knowing that your clients have as much, if not more to lose than you do if things do go terribly wrong. When you’re charging that much, you also have the freedom to pick and chose your clients. At that scale, you don’t ever have to sleep with anybody you don’t like.

I don’t think there’s anything seedy or immoral in sex work, both in the choice to do it as a profession, or to employ sex-workers to get your needs fulfilled. I believe strongly that continuing to call it “seedy” and look down on it in this way, is the root of the danger inherent in the work. If one feels prostitution is seedy, awful, dirty and wrong, then by extension, the women (and men) involved in it are dirty, stupid whores, and are really asking for, and deserve the rape, beatings, robbery, dismissal, and being left for dead in ditches that they’re often subject to. I passionately refuse to contribute to that kind of dehumanization of any woman, regardless of what she does for a living.