THE VIXEN GUIDE TO TANTRIC SEX
photo courtesy of The Times of India
Forty-plus men with greasy ponytails. Hippies that reek of patchouli. Sting. These are the unfortunate associations many of us make when thinking about tantric sex. I myself was prompted to ask myself the vaguely mystical question: If a polyamorous stereotype falls in the forest, will anyone come? In search of answers, I turned to the Internet and did a bit of research.
Tantric sex is a practice that is often made fun of, due in part to its modern-day synonymy with Sting’s bedroom affairs, but also because of its association with so-called “ancient wisdom.” In much the same vein as last week’s Kama Sutra bashing, my first impressions of tantric sex were not all that alluring. After sorting through tons of sketchy-looking websites, I finally got in touch with Al Link and Pala Copeland, a couple from Ontario that have been practising tantric sex since 1987 and teaching others about it since 1997.
So first things first: What is tantric sex really all about? More than just delayed orgasms, Al and Pala say it’s a form of spiritual practice from ancient India in which the goal is both transcendence and connection with “pure consciousness” (i.e., God).
Seeing as I don’t personally believe in either the smiting Judeo-Christian God or the Buddhist idea of enlightenment (which is still some form of communion with God), I find this explanation a bit hard to swallow. Sure, sex can be great and even transcendent, but connecting with God via your genitals? Pardon me if I scoff. If there is a God, I doubt he or she gives a damn about connecting with us puny humans, except possibly to screw with our minds.
Since “tantra is all about awakening to full enlightenment,” it’s not exactly the sort of thing that atheists like myself can really get into. All this talk about “awakening the goddess within” makes me feel even less hot and bothered than going to mass like I did when I was a practising Catholic. At least with Catholics there’s the potential for hardcore S&M play, priest/schoolgirl fetishes and all kinds of freaky shit going down in the confessionals – all fuelled by the edible body and drinkable blood of your Lord and Saviour!
In the face of all this repression-inspired kinkiness, what’s tantric sex got to offer? Al and Pala stress a spiritual path that is free from guilt and negativity, but also suggest that their way is about healthy sex, rather than the kind of sleaze and selfishness you’ll find in pornography. Point taken, as porn is obviously not meant to be a reflection of reality, but is tantric sex really noticeably healthier for you than so-called “normal” sex?
In what we’ll call “normal” sex (despite the fact that normality is actually quite difficult to define), both partners get off at some point in time. In tantric sex, orgasm is deferred – possibly for weeks or months at a time, according to Al and Pala. To me, this seems pretty unhealthy, as orgasms stimulate your brain, decrease stress and depression, boost immune function and have even been known to cure headaches and menstrual cramps. Denying yourself this kind of release, then, can actually negatively impact your health.
Additionally, in April of 2004 a New Scientist article’s headline proclaimed, “Frequent ejaculation may protect against cancer.” The study cited in the article followed 30,000 men over a span of eight years and concluded that the more frequently a man ejaculates, the healthier his prostate will be. The point of the study was actually an attempt to prove that masturbation is good for you, but these benefits remain the same with or without a partner.
Temporarily withholding ejaculation obviously has its advantages, whether you believe (like Al and Pala) that “the resulting accumulation of life force in the form of sexual energy can, if it is successfully circulated up to the crown of the head, lead to profound mystical and spiritual expansions of consciousness,” or simply want to make sure that your partner has a chance to achieve orgasm as well. On the other hand, extended withholding of orgasm appears to be detrimental to one’s physical health.
So what will it be: mystical union and promises of expanded consciousness, or scientific evidence in favour of a healthier prostate?
It’s possible that I’m just biased against tantric sex for a variety of personal reasons, and I certainly can’t claim that it’s a lifestyle to avoid. Indeed, Al and Pala point out that tantric sex helps teach people to “appreciate and enjoy every moment, every touch, every breath, every contact of the eyes,” rather than focusing on the goal of orgasm. Certainly, sex isn’t just about getting off – although that’s a lot of fun. Good sex is also about having an emotional connection with a partner, whether it’s just for one night or as part of a long-lasting relationship. In the end, you’ve got to do what you feel is right for you.
For more information on tantric sex, check out tantra.com or Al Link and Pala Copeland’s website at tantra-sex.com.
(Originally published at Hour.ca)
Comments
By Al Link on January 2nd, 2009 at 11:25 am
Hello Laura,
We really appreciate your generous mention of our teaching about Tantra.
I would like to make one point that is quite important. You use the terms orgasm and ejaculation to mean the same thing for a man. In fact these are two distinctly different physiological responses of the male body.
Our recommendation for men is to experiment with delaying ejaculation. This certainly does not mean there is any need to give up having orgasms. In fact when a man learns to effectively delay ejaculation, he can have multiple orgasms.
This is an extremely healthy practice that has been used for thousands of years in both Tantric and Taoist sacred sexuality. By accumulating the energy that is otherwise lost in an ejaculation, over a period of days, weeks or even months, the man gains access to a reservoir of energy that can be used for healing (there is in fact a tremendous boost to the entire immune system from doing this), for endurance performance (men gain a serious competitive advantage, e.g., in sports) and for creativity, decision making, problem solving, etc.
Learning to separate ejaculation and orgasm is not impossibly difficult to do. A man must simply learn to do 2 things. First, stay completely relaxed throughout his entire body, regardless of how sexually aroused he becomes. Second, effectively move the hot sexual energy up through his body, away from his prostate. If the lovemaking has gone on long enough (typically a period of hours rather than minutes – hence the importance of learning to delay ejaculation), if the man is not going too fast, and if he is alert to what is happening inside his body, then at some point he will have an orgasm without ejaculating.
One other point about prostate health. One of the most important and effective practices for protecting the prostate and promoting its optimal health, is to do an internal prostate massage.
Al Link and Pala Copeland
4 Freedoms Relationship Tantra
By Shiny on April 19th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
I am a 23 year old guy and my girlfriend of four years and I are soon going to practice tantric sex to reconnect with one another and rekindle our seemingly lost love for one another.
I am looking really forward to the benefits it can bring our relationship.
It is good to see an essay with a different viewpoint but, but I am an athiest too and my understanding of tantric sex is that the ’spiritual’ side of it is just simple meditation, such as breathing in harmony, rather than a strict ritual.
Pretty simple. The rest is common sense.