Hard On: The Invention by Will Dawson

photo courtesy of The Age

Dr. Dick, the inventor of the hard-on, recently passed away after repeated sexual encounters with his wife. The cause of death has not been identified, but early indications are that his heart failed due to the stress of keeping his penis full of blood.

Dr. Dick has been a controversial figure throughout history. Many people—mostly men—considered him to be the greatest inventor of all time. However, a large group of people—mostly women—point to the destruction and violence that is linked directly to hard-ons and claim his invention has done more harm then good.

In recent years, the hard-on has lost some lustre with the introduction of better oral sex techniques and increased levels of self-stimulation by women. Additionally, for a period of time hard-ons faced the possibility of becoming an obsolete invention when the introduction of plastic and silicone dildos took place. However, the fears of hard-ons disappearing altogether turned out to be over-blown.

There is no telling where the hard-on will take man in the future, but it seems safe to say that it will always try to go where no man has gone before.