Miss Universe… Reads?
Miss Peru: Jimena Elias (photo courtesy Miss Universe)
If you could read anyone’s diary, whose diary would you read? That’s the only question that really matters as I watch the Miss Universe 2007 contestants’ interviews. That question makes them or breaks them for me.
It started with Jimena Elias of Peru. I picked her as a favorite because I’m Peruvian and Peruvians stick together. Then Jimena said she wanted to read Anne Frank’s diary. “Anne Frank was a girl who fought for what she wanted,” she said, “and that stands as a model for youth today.” I began to doubt. Had she actually read Diary of a Young Girl or was she blowing smoke up my ass?
The gimmicks only got worse: Argentina’s Saniela Stucan, Poland’s Dorota Gawron, and Norway’s Kirby Ann Basken all said they’d read their moms’ diaries. Which could be interesting if it wasn’t such an obvious ploy to appear sweet and loving.
Miss Poland: "I love my mom!" (photo courtesy Miss Universe)
And they’re not the only Brady Bunchers: Lugina Cabezas from Ecuador sited her grandmother as the diary-writer she’d love to read, Switzerland’s Christa Rigozzi wanted to read her dad’s diary and Laural Barrett of New Zealand wanted to read her grandfather’s. While their answers were a little more sincere, somehow they still reeked of fake.
Maybe I’m cynical.
I’ll tell you this, though, when France’s Rachel Legrain-Trapani said she would read her brother’s diary, I totally believed her. She said it in a way that added a mischievous element to her already unbearable cuteness.
Miss France: unbearably cute (photo courtesy Miss Universe)
Agni Pratistha Kuswardono of Indonesia said she’d read Hellen Keller’s diary because she’s been through so many obstacles. I hear people talking about her so much recently in the present tense—there must be a movie out or something. Could someone clue everyone in that Hellen Keller’s been dead for over 30 years? Thanks.
Carolina Raven of Aruba, Renata Christian of the US Virgin Islands, Yoanna Henry of St. Lucia and Canada’s Inga Skaya would read Oprah’s diary, which is boring and generic, but at least it’s honest.
Jessica Jordan Burton of Bolivia wants to read Princess Di’s diary because she is such a model citizen, etc, despite being a bulimic headcase. No, she didn’t actually say that, and neither did Natalia Guimaraes of Brazil, or Ana Giorgelashvili of Georgia, or Sorangel Matos Arce of Panama, or Adelaine Chin Ai Nee of Malaysia, or Ly Jonaitis of Venezuela, who also picked her as choice reading.
Jewel Garner, Miss Barbados, is more fun—she would read Queen Elizabeth’s diary, mostly to get all the catty comments that run through her royal head when her family acts up! Rosa Maria Ojeda Cuen, Miss Mexico, wants to get a glimpse of Jackie O’s secrets, because she was so strong and persevering.
Jelena Marcos, Miss Croatia, would read Mother Theresa’s diary because she’s traveled a lot. That’s like saying you want to read Jessica Cutler’s diary because she worked for Senator Mike DeWine. Please. Puja Gupta of India and Massiel Taveras of Dominican Republic, would also read Mother Theresa’s diary, because, according to Massiel, “she’s a woman who gave her life to the poor and those who had nothing and that’s what makes her unique and I want to know what drove her to do this.” That makes more sense. Points for making sense. No points for picking Mother Theresa, though, gimme a break.
(L to R) Miss Croatia, Miss India, Miss Dominican Republic: suck-ups (photos courtesy Miss Universe)
Naemi Monte from Curacao wants to read God’s diary to see how he lives. She couldn’t say she wanted the diary to see how the universe was created or something—she wants to read what God had for breakfast and stuff. Weirder yet is Maria Jose Maldonado Gomez of Paraguay, who says she doesn’t admire anyone like she admires the Lord and she wouldn’t be interested in anyone’s diary but His. Hardcore. Sandra Faro of Mauritius, who also wants God’s diary, is more on the ball when she points to her head and says, “it’s complicated, I want to know what He has in here.” Did Valentina Massi of Italy say she wanted to read the diary of John Paul II, or am I just tripping on God now?
Annelien Coorevits, Miss Belgium, wants to read George W. Bush’s diary—she makes that little face all Europeans make when they mention him, but she won’t say why! Say it or keep your mouth shut, you pussy! Rachel Smith of USA, Nadine Njeim of Lebanon, Rosemary Chileshe of Zambia and Megan Coleman of South Africa want to read Nelson Mandela’s diary. Only Rosemary says she’s actually read anything of his—she’s started to, anyway.
Miss Belgium: pussy (photo courtesy Miss Universe)
Sharn Kenett, Miss Israel, would read the diary of Golda Meir, Israel’s first woman prime minister. The best one for political figures is Singapore’s Jessica Tan, who wants to read Margaret Thatcher’s diary because she’s one of the few female political leaders of our time and she helped England’s economy when she privatized industry, “and Ronald Reagan is one of her fans, so we have to admire her,” Tan concluded with a smile.
Gergana Kochanova, Miss Bulgaria, says screw diaries! She prefers to read tabloids, specifically about Brangelina. Now that’s FABULOUS. Greece’s Doukissa Nomikou, and Slovak Republic’s Lucia Senasiova would also love to get their hands on Angelina Jolie’s secrets.
Polyvia Achilleos from Cyprus would read J-Lo’s diary. Saneita Been from Turks and Caicos wants to read Whitney Houston’s diary because she’s a strong woman. Trinere Lynes, Miss Bahamas, is the gutsiest of them all! She wants to read Michael Jackson’s diary—to get into his head! Yikes! Maria Jeffery, Miss Belize, wants a peek at Bob Marley’s diary to see what he was feeling when he crafted his lyrics. Someone please just get the poor thing stoned!
Miss Philippines, Anna Theresa Licardos, would read Bobbi Brown’s diary because Bobbi Brown once said that make-up should be a part of your face and not stick out and Theresa is dying to know how the makeup artist had this great epiphany.
Xiomara Blandino from Nicaragua and Lisette Rodriguez from El Salvador want to go more profoundly into Frida Kahlo and explore her mysteries. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds hot and I wanna watch.
Miss El Salvadore: kinky (photo courtesy Miss Universe)
In a class all her own, Korea’s Honey Lee doesn’t monkey around—she wants to read primatologist Jane Goodall’s diary.
Riyo Mori from Japan, Wendy Salgado from Honduras, and Meleesea Payne from Guyana all want a piece of Donald Trump’s diary—Meleesea says she digs him because he has an eye for business and for beauty! Go get him, girlfriend! Give us something to read about!
Slovenia’s Tjasa Kokalj declined to pick anyone because there are so many interesting people in the world. Miss Ukraine, Lyudmila Bikmullina, doesn’t want to read anyone’s diary period—“it’s hard enough to get me to read what people want me to read,” she said when asked. Hungary’s beautiful Ildiko Bona doesn’t care whose diary she reads, as long as it’s a “historical person.”
Stephanie Winter of Antigua and Barbuda, Natalia Zabala Arroyo of Spain, and Viktoria Azovskaja of Estonia say they wouldn’t read ANYONE’s diary because diaries are supposed to be private! What’s worse, being a liar or a bore? Zaklina Sojic from Denmark has it down: she’d read all her ex-boyfriends’ diaries to see what they were really up to! Now this is what we can expect from the MySpace generation! Thanks for keeping it real, Zaklina!
Miss Denmark: keeping it real (photo courtesy Miss Universe)
Another child of MySpace is Uruguay’s Giannina Silva, who’d like to read her own diary. I read my own blog ALL the time, too. I TOTALLY think it’s a sign that we are introspective and ever in touch with our cores.
By the time I got to the end of the interviews, I’d seen a ton of eye candy and heard nothing of interest. I’ve been approached to do Miss Universe but I always said no… but maybe I should so we can actually watch something interesting on the TV. I mean, wouldn’t we all rather read an autobiographical account of Mata Hari’s exploits in sex and espionage?! Who’s going to stand up and announce, “I wanted to be a stripper when I was a little girl, but I sold out and became a journalist who takes off her clothes on the job,” if not me?
