Culture Shock
A WORK OF FICTION, RECOVERED BY OUR FAR EAST REPORTER
photo by mboogiedown
charismaman3291.englishblogsite.com
August 15
Current mood: Ready for adventures in vagina
D00ds, I am so stoked to finally be here in the Land of Tight Pussy, a.k.a Japan. I’ve heard so many stories, and now I’m ready to live the dream! Cus white d00ds are, like, teh shit to Japanese girls. They can smell our huge cocks, man. Well, I mean, mine’s not that big, but I’m sure it’s bigger than most Japanese guys! Hey, I’m not saying that it’s small. It’s, like, normal sized! Anyway, get ready to be jealous, bitches, cause I am about to be up to my elbows in gushing Asian poontang!!!
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www.nihongoburogosaito.com/utahime910
August 17
Current mood: [cute kitten, smiling]
[Translation from the Japanese] English conversation classes are always so expensive. I was thinking that there’s got to be a better way for a poor (not to mention cute!) girl like me to economize in expanding her cultural horizons. Finally, I came up with a great idea! I just need to get some gaijin* friends! It shouldn’t be too hard; there’s always a few lost-looking gaijin in the area. I’m sure they’ll be happy to have a nice friend to help them out, and I get free English practice. It’s a win-win situation!!!
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charismaman3291.englishblogsite.com
August 21
Current mood: Emitting ultrapheromones
So, I figured getting a gym membership would be a good way to meet some Japanese hotties. And it totally worked! Today this Japanese bitch totally came up to me while I was working out and started chatting me up! She was obviously all wet and shit, because she ended up inviting me out to karaoke with her friends. Me and a bunch of Japanese sluts alone in a dark room… I have a good feeling about this.
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www.nihongoburogosaito.com/utahime910
August 21
Current mood: [sly kitten face]
I made a gaijin friend today! That didn’t take long! It was at the gym I go to. He was just about to go into the women’s dressing room when I stopped him and showed him where the men’s dressing room was. He must be pretty new if he can’t tell the characters for male and female apart. The perfect target. I invited him to come out to our next karaoke session, so we can all get a little practice in. I think my English has already gotten better!
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charismaman3291.englishblogsite.com
August 25
Current mood: Strategizing my sexual chess game
So, last night was the big night. It was awesome. The intoxicating scent of slit juice was in the air. Those little whores were all over me, d00d! Especially that little one who invited me. It was awesome. I haven’t shebanged her yet. I’ve decided to hold back a little while, to really make her want it. She’s totally hot for it, though, and I can tell she’s got a tight little honeypot. We’ve got a lunch date in a few days. This is going to be awesome.
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www.nihongoburogosaito.com/utahime910
August 25
Current mood: [kitten, holding nose with paw]
Well, last night was karaoke night… It went okay, I guess. My new gaijin friend refused to sing, though. Maybe it was just me, but he seemed to always be sitting so that his body was touching mine. I guess I wouldn’t mind if he didn’t smell so bad. Why do gaijin stink so much? Anyway, we’re meeting for lunch. English level up, here I come!
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charismaman3291.englishblogsite.com
August 28
Current Mood: Romancing the moan
Today was the lunch date. I think we really connected, actually. In fact, I think this playa may be… falling in love. Nah, don’t worry, I’m still gonna bayonet that cunt like a civil war hero! Anyway, we exchanged cell phone numbers. I know Japanese culture, man, and that’s a sure sign that she wants to fuck.
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www.nihongoburogosaito.com/utahime910
August 28
Current mood: [confused kitten]
We met for lunch. I got a lot of good English practice in. I asked him about his home, his hobbies, his family, his birthday, his favorite food, his favorite color… All the questions we used to practice in school. I was hoping he would ask me the same questions, so I could practice the answers, but he didn’t ask me anything about myself. Oh well. He asked for my cell phone number. He’s a little weird, and I didn’t really want to give it to him, but…
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charismaman3291.englishblogsite.com
September 3
Current mood: Phone sexy
You remember that J-girl I’m gonna snap, crackle and pop? Well, we’ve been talking on the phone every night since I last wrote. She’s totally falling in love with me. She likes the dirty talk, too… We haven’t done the piston pump yet, because I like to move slow, but trust me, anytime I want that gash, it’s mine.
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www.nihongoburogosaito.com/utahime910
September 4
Current mood: [creeped-out kitten]
Hmm, he won’t stop calling me. At first it was okay because of the chance to practice English, but… He’s always trying to talk about pervy stuff. Dumbass. A clueless loudmouth like that could never prime this pump. Maybe this was a mistake.
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charismaman3291.englishblogsite.com
September 10
Current mood: Like a rock. A hard rock.
I’ve been going over to her place a lot lately. Things have been going well–really well, if you know what I mean! I still haven’t sheathed my sword, but trust me, it’s definitely going to happen soon!
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www.nihongoburogosaito.com/utahime910
September 12
Current mood: [scared kitten]
He found out where I live somehow. This is starting to freak me out. Gaijin men are supposed to be sensitive and caring and respectful and beautiful! Why did I get the creepy ugly asshole? I’ve had enough. If he shows up at my door one more time, I’m not opening the door, but I am calling the police. Did I mention he has a big nose?
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charismaman3291.englishblogsite.com
September 13
Current mood: About to sink my battleship
Wow. We just had a really passionate talk on the phone. She obviously needs me to come over and give her the shaft RIGHT NOW. She didn’t say those words, of course, but we have this almost ESP thing going on where we just know what each other are thinking. It’s so cool. Anyway, I’m gonna go, uhh, slip into someone more comfortable right now, haha. Don’t worry, d00ds, I’ll give you the play by play right after I get back…
