Gentle by AV Flox

I wake up to breakfast with him, he caresses me, spoils me, humours me. He brings me sweet things, cigarettes, coffee just the way I like it–though he does not drink it. I am silent, distressed by his behaviour.

I understand lust, I understand pain. I do not understand this. Somehow, this is not right, I do not know how to feel about it and it bites me, the way I bite my lower lip when he asks me questions and listens to me speak–the way he said we were forbidden to speak when we met, about who I am, what I do, what I desire from life.

He listens, his eyes enlarging, he tells me he never thought he would meet a woman like me. It wounds me, it somehow makes me feel like less of a woman, though at once, my need to dominate, my silent rebellion rejoices.

I submit to her, become the lead in conversation, we fall into dialectic, arguing politics, economics. He listens as I explain my work on cultural revitalization. He tells me about his own pursuits. He looks tender, I lean over and kiss him.

It’s a kiss that falls out of line, out of place. It cuts me, I want him to slap me across the face, to turn me over and destroy me, unprepared for his engorged penis to plunge into me.

He does neither. So I take him in my mouth, I plunge him into me, down my throat so I cannot breathe or speak any more, or put my lips where they do not belong. He takes a handful of my hair and drives my movements, and I let him, on my knees, in penitence, worshipping everything his.

He releases me and pushes me on my back. He invades me, in quick strokes, and I am ashamed of my need of him that renders him so pleasurable to me. I want him to split me, to break me, I want my pain to contort my face and become his pleasure as my body makes way for him, and only for him.

But he is gentle with me, he kisses my neck, my lips, tells me he likes my pussy. I am pleased he enjoys me, but I want him to be fulfilled, and I feel undeserving of his attentions.

When he pulls out and flips me on my belly, using a single hand under my hips to pull me on my hands and knees and finally rams into me from behind, moaning, I feel complete, useful to him. I moan simultaneously knowing I please my Master.

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AV Flox is the editor of Sex and the 405 and was the Black Heart staff Bad Ass, in a former life.